The importance of being earnest

Written by changthai11 on Monday, September 29th, 2008

POSTSCRIPT

This time next week the good citizens of Bangkok will be choosing the person daft enough to want to be the next Governor of the Big Mango. Amazingly there are 16 otherwise perfectly sensible people - although some might dispute that - who are prepared to take on this thankless task. It must rank up there along with the coach of the England football team as one of the least rewarding jobs in the world. However, one of the candidates even wants to do it for a second time, so it must have a certain appeal.

For the past month, the leading candidates have all been staring down at us earnestly from sometimes rather tacky - and definitely extremely soggy - posters decorating the city streets. All of them have adopted carefully sculpted poses of sincerity demanded from such pillars of society. Above all, they must look earnest. Their faces are supposed to convey complete and utter trust, which inevitably prompts some mirth, considering some of the candidates.

Meaningful moustache

As usual the most entertaining poster features the Massage Man. In the 2004 election you may recall he was wielding an axe, which was going to wipe out corruption.

This year, his posters are a little more subtle, but not a lot, one featuring a fine pair of binoculars informing the bad guys that they will always be under surveillance. Cynics might say the binoculars might also be used for more leisurely pursuits such as horse racing or even bird watching.

There are a couple of dodgy moustaches this year too. One candidate has a Charles Bronson look about him as he poses on his motorcycle, minus crash helmet of course. Bronson was hugely popular in Thailand during the 1970s and his moustache became a symbol of toughness. Any self-respecting Thai tough guy attempted to grow one, not always with great success.

In fact there were some real horrors, some of which can be seen to this day. Although Bronson died five years ago it is good to see his moustache lives on in Thailand.

Those were the days

When Crutch was first in Bangkok, things were much simpler as there was no election for governor. In fact the boss of the Big Mango was called a mayor in those days.The gentlemen - sorry ladies, it was always gentlemen - were simply appointed.

You just woke up in the morning, picked up the newspaper and read “Vichai New Governor” and that was it, no argument. No debates about policies or anything as there weren’t any policies to discuss. It wasn’t very democratic and was certainly less entertaining than the present system. No silly posters for a start. But it was definitely a lot simpler.

Red card for green light

Somehow the gubernatorial election doesn’t seem the same without the legendary Mr Smith (Samith to the fussy readers). This gentleman had been an institution at Bangkok elections ever since they were invented. There is insufficient space to list the good man’s triumphs for over two decades. Suffice to say that in 1986 he established the splendid Klum Pak Ma Pue Prachatipathai party - Barking For Democracy Party. Rumours that the electoral platform of this party was to provide more lamp-posts for the city’s canine population turned out to be unfounded.

At the registration of candidates for one city election he showed up wearing a paper bag over his head. And no one blinked an eyelid.

Mr Smith is perhaps most famous for his highly acclaimed Green Light policy, which proposed that Bangkok’s traffic problems would be solved if all traffic lights were permanently green. After it was pointed out that with this policy things could get really messy at intersections, he abandoned that idea and proposed a new solution to traffic jams - no right turns. Unfortunately Mr Smith’s no right turn policy didn’t catch on with the city’s voters, especially motorists whose one sole freedom in life is to be able to turn left or right whenever they feel like it.

One of the most endearing things about Mr Smith was that he was a very honest person.

During a debate for one governor election he admitted the only way he could win was if all the other candidates withdrew. Nobody argued with him about that.

Wouldn’t it be lovely?

As usual the candidates have been full of promises, but a little bit thin on the policy side. All our problems can be solved - as long as we vote for them of course. Traffic will start moving, floods will be reduced to a puddle, khlongs won’t stink, motorcyclists will behave themselves (ha ha), buses won’t crash and corruption will be a thing of the past - well, okay, there’s a limit to anything.

To be fair, it’s hard for governors to get anything done. You can have a great idea, but implementing it is another thing altogether. There’s just a minor matter of assorted committees, subcommittees, not to mention feasibility studies, five-point plans, final decisions, reappraisals, study groups, interest groups, protest groups, maybe even the odd mob, a bit of mulling here and there and - heaven forbid - possibly even the occasional scandal.

A final word from George Bernard Shaw: “He knows nothing and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.”

- Contact PostScript by email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com