In the face of adversity
Written by Writer on Monday, October 13th, 2008
In the face of adversity
Kannika Thammakesorn recalls her lowest point in life and how dharma got her back on a steady keel
PICHAYA SVASTI and YINGYONG UN-ANONGRAK
One cloudy starless night, television legend Kannika Thammakesorn was standing on the rooftop of her home office. She was struggling with suicidal thoughts after her business failures, love problems and betrayals. Overwhelmed with bitterness, resentment and loneliness, the embattled woman was about to jump to her death.
Yet, some thoughts crossed her mind: “What would my dead body look like? My suicide would be tomorrow’s headline news but soon forgotten. Who would be responsible for my enormous debts?” Then, she had a change of heart and decided to live on.
“I thought of my children. If I died, all my problems would go to them. How could I pass my responsibilities to them?” said 61-year-old Kannika, recounting her feelings of that fateful night.
Before her book, Ja Mued Keedan Kor Phan Dai (Getting through the darkest days), was published recently, her friends and fans had not known about so many problems this successful, gorgeous woman, had faced. They believed she retired after reaching the top. In fact, she had kept everything to herself. Questions such as “What went wrong with her life?” emerged.
Before the hard times, Kannika has been successful all along since her childhood.
Born with the help of a midwife at her home along the Khlong Wat Mahannapharam canal, Kannika was the only daughter of Prapas and Daorung Thammakesorn. As her middle-class family had had no housemaid, she helped her mother in the kitchen while her brothers would carry buckets of water.
At 10, Kannika fell in love with classical Thai dance. It was after she watched the movie, Karaked, which starred noted actress Pitsamai Wilaisak in the role of nang ram (dancer). Thereafter, the young Kannika practised dancing in front of a mirror at home so often her mother took her for lessons at a dance school run by Samphan Phanmanee. That’s where her road to fame began.
“I have been on television since the age of 12. That’s why I am quiet and introverted. I live in my own world,” Kannika said.
As a girl, she was popular as a classical Thai dancer who had many elderly fans. Her popularity kept surging and when she was a student at Thammasat University’s faculty of liberal arts, she appeared on the cover of the entertainment magazine Dara Phappayon. Many offers for movie roles came, but she had to turn them down as suggested by Samphan, who wanted her to focus on her studies.
However, when she was in her second year at Thammasat, Kannika started her career as a TV show host on Channel 4 and then Channel 3. Since then, she has been an all-time favourite among audiences.
Despite her career success, her life seemed to fit the old cliche, “Lucky in game, unlucky in love”. Her first true love, an army lieutenant, came into her life when she was in her third year. He wrote to her regularly from the frontline, but one day, bad news came to her. He was killed after stepping on a land-mine.
“In my fourth year at the university, my first boyfriend died. First, I wanted to die, too. But I later changed my mind and studied hard. Anyway, I graduated one year later than my classmates,” Kannika recalled.
At 24, she tied the knot with an air force officer just a few months after their first date. Their wedding became headline news as “Love in the aerospace age”.
They had two children together. Her spouse was a caring husband and father. However, the seven-year itch theory finally came true.
“In the seventh year, he changed after becoming an airline pilot,” she wrote in her book, “I couldn’t put up with it because he continually had other women. When he was away for work, I felt so lonely and had to answer my children’s questions.”
Finally, they divorced. Eleven months later, her ex-husband telephoned her, saying he had broken up with his new woman and was hoping to get back together with her. But Kannika did not look back.
First, she was sad and angry and spoke badly of him with her mixed feelings of love and hatred. Years later though, she managed to forgive him; realising that he is the father of her children no matter what.
After the divorce, her life as a single mother began. On her own, she raised her son, Kornprom Saeng-aram and her daughter, Mookthida Saeng-aram. Kannika is proud of her son, who is a cardiologist-turned-pilot and her daughter, a computer expert.
Her success is not limited to only a mother’s duties but also in the show business.
Kannika spent 17 years on Channel 3 as a news anchor and TV programme host. In addition, she had radio programmes of her own. After leaving Channel 3, Kannika joined media expert Somkiat Onwimol in anchoring news in a less formal style, starting the new era of television newscasting.
Another pride of her life was being selected by former prime minister and scholar, MR Kukrit Pramoj, to play the role of “Busaba” in his Khon mask dance show at Thammasat University.
Thereafter, her fame came to its peak after she introduced debate shows to Thailand’s TV screens in 1983. Her television debate programme, TV Wathee, on Channel 5 and then Channel 9, was a big hit for years. Kannika was named the country’s best news anchorwoman and TV programme host.
In 1987, she founded her own company, Pasorn Production, which produced several TV programmes and ran a public speech school. Her programmes other than TV debates - such as a drama series on the rule of karma - were not quite as successful.
Worse, the 1997 economic crisis led to continual business losses to her company. Her employees left her one after another. Sponsors kept withdrawing, especially after certain parts of her TV debate programmes relating to politics were unfairly censored.
With accumulated losses, her TV programmes were gradually removed. To salvage the situation, she entered politics under the Thai Rak Thai party banner.
“In 2000, I entered politics because I wanted to raise public awareness of problems I saw. I also believed my political career might help protect my TV programmes,” she recalled in her book.
But Kannika was wrong. There wasn’t much she could do. She was given no seat of any parliamentary committee because she was a new Member of Parliament. After one year in the Lower House, she was disqualified due to her interview on her intention to give her salary to charity.
When money goes out the door, love flies out the window. Kannika’s romantic relationship with her German fiance’ - whom she met at 48 - came to an end due to misunderstandings. Debt-ridden, she had borrowed money from her fiance’, but could not afford to repay certain amounts on time. After he returned to Germany, he sent a Christmas card that read: “You, liar and betrayer, I want my money and my ring back”.
Her fiance’ left her for good. So did all her employees, who had had faith in her. One of them even betrayed her by stealing her clients, according to Kannika.
In her attempts to pay off her eight-digit debt, Kannika sold everything ranging from her luxury car and company vans to her jewellery and even her children’s piano. Even so, the remaining debts were too huge.
Sad and lonely, she hid herself away from society. She stayed on the top floor of her mortgaged seven-storey home office with her pet dog, Happy, a present from her ex-fiance’, living on a diet of bread, bananas and water. That was how she learned to live a modest life, she recalled.
Day after day, court warrants came to her doorstep.
“It hurt so bad for a while. I had no one to turn to. My children were so busy working. Everyone I knew had their own problems. I didn’t want to bother them,” Kannika said.
Nearly bankrupt and devastated, she almost took her own life, but finally decided to face the music. She always told herself she would pay off all her debts; be it a long-time. Today, Kannika is clearing her remaining debts with gradual payments.
“The best solution is to be always mindful,” Kannika said.
To heal her woes, she has turned her focus to dharma since 2002. To Kannika, dharma led to mindfulness and made her realise all the problems stemmed from her own ignorance and hot temper. She never studied details about her company’s finance and accounting, but always blamed her employees for any mistakes, she admitted.
“Before, I was fast thinking and hot-tempered. After doing dharma practice, I have become more self aware and much calmer. I no longer go to extremes, judging or blaming others,” she added.
To guide other people to peace of mind, Kannika takes her road shows on dharma and morality to organisations nationwide four to five times a month.
She has also joined hands with writer and editor Phetyupa Boonsirijaroongrat in running Happy Station, a dharma centre. The centre is aimed at encouraging people of all ages to learn how to tackle problems and achieve happiness without feeling the need to be rich.
“My experiences can be lessons for other people. I don’t want anyone to be obsessed with outer appearances. There are a lot of inner truths to learn,” Kannika said, in a firm voice.
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