Love in the time of the Internet
Written by Writer on Monday, October 13th, 2008
Love in the time of the Internet
Online dating is heating up - and it’s requiring a new take on romance
By Debbie Yong
THE Internet is no longer reserved for misanthropes and awkwardly shy singles trying to find romance.
Forget trying to make eye contact across a crowded bar. The young are more likely to engage potential mates over a game of virtual pool or checkers at the many dating websites now on offer.
Locally, this growing demand is fuelling efforts such as Eteract.com, which has 3,500 members and is potentially lucrative enough for operators to upgrade it to a paid site.
Global site Okcupid.com has cheeky personality quizzes and a function for users to send each other ‘Woos’, or virtual wolf whistles. To heighten its ‘cool’ quotient, it looks more like popular social networking site Facebook than a Lonely Hearts listing.
The online dating scene looks set to get hotter, with the wired generation gearing up for marriage and babies.
Curious about this virtual meat market, I put myself up as online bait some months ago, surprisingly discovering first hand the appeal of finding eligible males online.
Quirky creative types, young party-going professionals and even the occasional ex-schoolmate - hardly the paedophiles and stalkers I link to online serial daters. These are individuals who want to take control of their love lives through a medium they know best: the Internet.
Still, managing this territory calls for a proactive approach.
The online dating scene is not for slouches. With more eligible singles muscling in, finding a date online - and more challengingly, love - requires hard work and a set of dating dos and don’ts.
Several e-mail correspondences and two coffee dates later, I’ve summarised my observations into these tips:
# It’s dating, not marriage
Keep the conversation casual, as you would with a friend on MSN. Don’t scare potential matches away by planning the wedding even before you’ve met for a first date.
# Learn how to spell
Internet lingo, as they say in cyberspace, may ‘b gr8 sumtimes, but dun take it 2 far’. Terrible spelling and poor grammar are the equivalent of turning up late and having bad table manners.
# Sell yourself
These are the staples: Travel (shows open-mindedness), pets (you’re caring), cooking (sexy if you’re male, marriageable if you’re female), some form of sport, and, an increasingly popular option, some form of art appreciation.
A thoughtful description of specific hobbies is often more alluring than a running list, which may mean that either you are not passionate about anything, or you’ll be too distracted to make a good lover.
Citing ‘trying to talk to women who want nothing to do with me’ as a hobby - which I once spotted on one guy’s profile - is probably dating suicide.
# Be approachable
Just as touching your hair or speaking with unfolded arms indicates that you are friendly and approachable, leave some cues in your online self-description for others to initiate a conversation. The most favourable e-mail messages I have received are from people trying to guess why I ‘pimp my words’ as a profession.
# Don’t waste the ‘pretty’
It is a superficial world, virtual or not. The more popular dating sites and social networks often require a photo to complete your online profile.
If you are worried about that zit or that gossipy colleagues may spot your profile, put up a picture of yourself shot from afar, rather than a close-up portrait shot.
Also, photos of celebrities and snaps from when you were five years or five kilos younger may be a good hook, but they will only lead to shattered hopes when your date finally meets you.
debyong@sph.com.sg
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