Women and men now looking for mates with qualities to sustain survival marriages
Written by changthai11 on Sunday, November 9th, 2008
Women and men now looking for mates with qualities to sustain survival marriages
The financial crisis emanating from the U.S. has added fuel to the growing income disparity, and is influencing the way that women view marriage. Not that long ago, women in Japan were said to look for the “Three Highs” in their future husbands: high income, high educational pedigree, and physical height. But to stay afloat in these hard times, women are now searching for future husbands with qualities that will sustain a “survival marriage,” such as “having a steady job.”
“A client’s stock price has fallen below 100 yen,” says a 33-year-old employee of a company in Tokyo that dispatches security guards. She checks the latest news on the Nikkei average and sighs. “At this rate, I will have to go to a formal marriage interview (an “omiai” arranged by a go-between) and become a bride.”
Stock prices are plummeting, and there seems to be no sign of an economic recovery. Her company’s clients are primarily export-related firms, some of which have already terminated their contracts, and rumors that pay will be slashed are circulating. She is increasingly anxious about the future. “I don’t know how long I will be able to maintain my current income,” she says.
A 29-year-old employee of a Tokyo translation company says that business with the foreign companies that comprise the bulk of their clients has dried up, and there are days when there is nothing to do. Bored, she sends an e-mail to her female friend. “Our company could be a goner. I should have found me a civil servant who doesn’t have to worry about (his company) going under,” she says in her e-mail.
What women seek in their marriage partner “shifts from ’survival’ to ‘dependence’ to ‘preservation’ depending on their level of education,” psychologist Chikako Ogura wrote in her book “Marriage Qualifications,” which was published by the Asahi Shimbun in 2003. From an interview-based survey, she found that high school graduates were seeking to have enough to eat (survival), junior college graduates wanted to become full-time housewives and to be taken care of with their husband’s income (dependence), and college graduates who worked in a professional job did not want their lifestyles to change as a result of marriage (preservation).
But things have changed recently. Ogura points out that “regardless of educational background, the age of the ’survival marriage’ has arrived.”
At a time when growing income disparities have polarized society into a handful who comprise the upper class, and the vast majority who fall into the lower classes, the financial crisis has dealt a blow even to the so-called “Roppongi Hills tribe” who symbolized the upper class. “And the women who raked in high salaries working for foreign firms will be confronting the question of how to earn a living,” says Ogura.
As economic conditions have changed, so have the qualities that women are seeking in their marriage partners. During the bubble economy period from the late 1980s to the early 1990s, the “Three Highs” were in vogue. This catchphrase and other expressions that reflected Japan’s unprecedented prosperity became buzz words. After the bubble burst, and the economy stagnated, however, the buzz words fell into disuse.
Several years ago, the “three highs” were in fact displaced by the “Three Lows”: “low profile” (men who respect women and are not overbearing), low dependence (does not burden or tie down women with household chores), and “low risk” (has a steady job). Women were no longer seeking men who earned more than 10 million yen annually as they had during the bubble period, and dropped “tallness” from their list of essential qualities in a mate. On the other hand, since more women were entering the workforce and wished to continue working after marriage, a willingness to actively cooperate with household chores and child-rearing responsibilities without pushing such tasks entirely onto the shoulders of women also emerged as a desired quality.
As economic conditions have grown unstable in this age of the “survival marriage,” the quality in a potential husband that is now being given the most weight is the possession of a stable job (even if his income is only so-so) that won’t disappear — a civil service job, for example. “In this age you don’t know whether the company will be around tomorrow. You can’t be picky under such conditions,” says Ogura.
And what do men seek in their future wives? “Though women are not setting their sights as high as they once were during the bubble period, the fact that they place most weight on a man’s earning power has not changed. But what has changed significantly is the perspective of men,” says Masahiro Yamada, professor of sociology at Chuo University.
According to the Japanese national fertility survey conducted by the National Social Insurance and Demographic Problems Research Institute, 37.9 percent of unmarried men in 1987 wanted their future mates to be full-time housewives after marriage, but only 12.5 percent of unmarried men in 2005 desired their future mates to stay at home. Over the same period, the proportion of women who desired to become full-time housewives fell from 33.6 to 19.0 percent, so the rejection of this traditional role has been even more pronounced among men. “This probably means that more men, particularly younger men, recognize that they won’t be able to maintain an adequate lifestyle if they have to rely solely on their own income,” says Prof. Yamada.
Atsushi Miura, the author of “Lower Class Society” (Kobunsha-Shinsho) which appeared in 2005, cites a 2006 survey that found that 30.3 percent of men aged 20 to 44 want the woman that they will marry to earn between 3 to 5 million yen, and 17.3 percent want their future wife to earn 5 million yen or more annually. What Miura, who is also a marketing planner and critic, singles out for particular attention is the segment of men aged 30 to 34 with low incomes who “want to marry women who earn more than they do.”
In other age segments, the lower a man’s income, the less income he expects his future wife to earn, but 50 percent of the men in the 30 to 34 age group who earned between 1.5 to 3 million yen annually expected their future wives to earn 3 million yen or more. “There are more men who want to lean on the woman,” explains Miura.
“With the introduction of results-oriented management, workplaces have become stiffer and harder to work compared to the past. Men have been worn down mentally and physically, and probably feel a sense of unfairness from their perception that they alone are losing out,” says Ogura.
So it appears that men, too, are aspiring for “survival marriages.” While women are looking for stability in their future husbands, men are seeking high incomes from their future wives. Since there is a disconnect in the qualities they seem to be seeking in each other, “more people remain unmarried due to mismatches,” explains Prof. Yamada.
How should women prepare themselves for marriage and work in the future? “Compared to the past, it is not easy to become a full-time housewife. Unless the man thinks you are so cute that he wants to preserve you in ice, being a full-time housewife is not possible. If the woman has become a full-time regular employee, she should not quit her job even after getting married. For women of the future, a time may come when men choose their mates based on income and other conditions, just as women do,” Miura says.
In an age when it is no longer possible to associate sweet dreams with marriage, what will be necessary is the resolve to be self-reliant and to not have to depend on others. (By Kaoru Yamadera, Mainichi Shimbun)
(Mainichi Japan) November 8, 2008
